Everything New
by struckbythewishingspell
Summary: Kurt is feeling down after Sectionals, and Blaine wants to know why. He doesn't exactly get the response he expected from the newest Warbler... Spoilers for Special Education. Oneshot. Drabble.


**A/N: **A lot of people were sort of getting upset with the way Blaine was acting and a lot of Kurt's thoughts and emotions were really left unsaid in this episode, so I wanted to try to fill in the blanks for what was going on. It's kind of a drabble. No real plot to it. To emulate Kurt in how he would probably gush out all of his emotions, I wrote this all in one swing. I just started typing and didn't stop until I got out everything I imagined Kurt would want to say. I didn't edit. I mean, once you say something, you can't exactly stop. If this isn't well-planned or very eloquent, it's because I was trying to capture thoughts going a million miles a minute.

**Summary: **Kurt is feeling down after Sectionals, and Blaine wants to know why. He doesn't exactly get the response he expected from the newest Warbler... Spoilers for Special Education.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee... or Darren Criss, or Chris Colfer. I would like them for Christmas, though.

**Everything New**

"Hey, are you okay?" Blaine asked. It was after Sectionals. They were already getting to work on Regionals. Kurt had been sitting alone outside when Blaine joined him. He almost gave a dry laugh. If he'd thought that transferring to Dalton would make him and Blaine closer, he was wrong. In fact, it seemed like Blaine liked him less and less every day. Figures that once he had to see Kurt regularly, he would get tired of him. "Kurt?" Blaine asked again. Kurt shook his head.

"What am I doing here, Blaine?" The Warbler was taken aback.

"What do you mean?" he asked. "I mean... I thought you liked it here."

"It's been weeks and I still stand out like it's my first day. I don't fit in at all. The people here think I'm a joke. My friends at McKinley, coincidentally, like me more than ever now that I'm not there, and if I don't belong there and I don't belong here then I guess I just don't belong anywhere, do I?" Blaine was surprised. He hadn't realized Kurt was feeling so bad about Dalton. The soprano ran his hands through his hair in frustration—something he _never_ did.

"People don't think you're a joke here, Kurt."

"Sure they might not dislike me, but they don't exactly _like_ me either. I guess at McKinley, for the amount of hate I got, I got an equal amount of love... It made things easier. And I thought it would be so easy coming here because I had you..." He stopped. He didn't want to say anymore.

"You're disappointed in me."

"I'm not... disappointed. I just feel like the more time you spend with me the less you like me and the less you _want_ to be around me and that sucks. Every time I see you I'm either embarrassing myself or you're telling me what I'm doing wrong, and I don't know what I'm doing with myself anymore. Before I got here I would've easily said you were one of my best friends, if not the best, but you act like I'm a stranger most of the time."

"I'm not trying to act like a stranger, Kurt. When it comes to the Warblers, I don't want to seem biased just because we're friends already... And I know it's hard to adjust to a new school and a new dynamic, I was just trying to help you."

"But when you're trying not to be biased and keeping your distance, I don't have anyone else to fall back on. You're the only person I have here, Blaine... and more and more I feel like you're never going to see me as anything more than some lost kid that you need to help. I don't want to just be a charity case. I want to be your friend." He was dangerously close to crying. "When I was at McKinley, you got me through my worst days without even being there. And you would text me and you would ask me to hang out and I guess now that I'm at Dalton and I don't need you to save me anymore that things are different. So yes, in that sense, I am disappointed."

Blaine didn't know what to say. He had no idea Kurt had been harboring all of these feelings... He felt like an awful friend. He didn't want Kurt to feel like an outsider when he had just escaped from a school he didn't feel like he was a part of.

"You know, I haven't talked to Finn since the wedding." This also surprised Blaine. "The only person from McKinley I really talked to was Rachel... ironically the person I butted heads with the most. I've been afraid to face Mercedes and I feel like all I've done lately is disappoint everyone. Like I disappointed my team by leaving right before Sectionals and I disappointed my parents by stealing their honeymoon and I disappointed you because now that you're seeing me around other people you get to see what an awkward, embarrassing loser I am."

"Kurt, you aren't a loser. Sure, things have been kind of awkward, but it's only because we aren't used to having someone like you at Dalton... Someone so unashamed of who you are and so willing to put yourself out there. After watching your old Glee club, it makes sense. They were really full of life and they highlighted a lot of different aspects of the group and the Warblers are just an all-boy a'capella group. There are a lot of differences..."

"New Directions wasn't just a group where you go and you rehearse in a formal setting and you leave. It was a really messy family filled with all sorts of drama and messes and people competing against one another and trying to one-up each other. We had competitions within our group all the time. Everyone had to fight for solos, and it wasn't because we had auditions for them. You had to stick your neck out and show that you could do it better than anyone else and you had to put your everything into it. Of course, they offer me a solo right before I leave..." He shook his head. "Rachel helped me pick my audition song. I was afraid to ask your advice because I wanted to seem confident so instead I went to the one person who irritates me the most and she turned out to be the most supportive friend I have." He thought of Rachel telling him to smile and being the first to stand and clap for them.

"We had to fight for survival every day. Between Coach Sylvester trying to shut down the club and people quitting and rejoining constantly and how much each and every one of us was picked on every day, it wasn't just about joining up to sing a few songs. For most of us it was the only reason we got up in the morning... We started with five members. We were _horrible_. Our coach quit and we had to take care of ourselves until we convinced him to come back. We've had more scandals and drama than any high school on television, save for maybe Degrassi, and if we didn't win, the club was canceled. We had to _live_ for the group. So yes, I was trying too hard, maybe, but that's the way we _had_ to operate. We had to challenge ourselves to do the absolute best that we could.

Mr. Schue gave us a million ridiculous songs from every era and every genre. And it was never easy. Hell, I did a duet _with myself_ this year because I was all I had. It's different here where you predominately get the lead and offer one solo. We had Rachel and Finn sing lead for a long time, but they didn't lead a single song in sectionals and they still won. Because we were a group of individuals all with big personalities and even bigger egos and _that_ made us want to be great. At McKinley it wasn't so formal and business-like, even if some of us took a business approach. We would bounce ideas off of each other. We would sing to each other when we were so happy or sad or upset that we didn't know how else to deal. When someone was having a hard time we would get together and sing a number in their honor, and _that_ was what it meant to be a part of a group. Half of us didn't even _like_ each other but we always knew deep down that it was about something bigger than ourselves and that's what kept us together. Not having a policy of treating everyone as equals. Not having a set group of leaders and followers."

Blaine didn't say anything, so Kurt kept going.

"We were the bottom of the food chain. I mean, below the nerdiest nerds. We got ten AM slushies to the face from the hockey team. I spent the better part of two years being thrown in dumpsters and having pee balloons thrown at me and having people nail my lawn furniture to my roof. You know what? Some of the people who did that ended up joining Glee. And they found something there that made them better people. It was never _just_ about singing or _just_ about performing. Whenever we felt alone we knew we had Glee club and that helped me through my dad's heart-attack and Quinn through her pregnancy and Mr. Schue through his divorce... As hellish as McKinley was, there was always that sense of family... Real family. People that you don't even like but you love them anyway.

And it's not that I want to go back, honestly, it isn't. Sure, I miss them. I miss the club. I miss the endless drama, but I came here for a reason. I wanted something better and like I said before, I don't really think this is better or worse. It's just _different_ and I don't know how to deal with it... I thought you were the coolest person I'd ever met. You were like my personal superhero, and whenever I felt like I couldn't do something you made me confident that I could. I thought, there was _no_ way that this could be hard because you've been in this place and you know how different it is and you had to start at the bottom and work your way up, too... but you've hardly talked to me since I've been here. And I'm pretty sure Wes thinks I'm mentally challenged."

"No one thinks you're mentally challenged, Kurt. Look, I'm sorry that we haven't been as warm and welcoming as you hoped. You're great, Kurt, and once people get to know you, they'll see that. We aren't McKinley. We don't have the same dynamic and to be honest, they sound like a lot of fun, but we have a system here and it _works_. I wish I could give you more reasoning than that for why we operate the way we do, but it's fair, and it's equal, and we don't want people to feel like they're any less than the rest of us... You're amazingly talented, Kurt. We're lucky to have you. But we aren't... Vocal Adrenaline, you know? We aren't about the over-the-top showy kind of stuff. That's just not who we are as a group.

And separately, of course we all have different taste. Your song? It was amazing, Kurt. Hauntingly so. But this isn't about proving yourself. You don't have to try to impress anyone. I just want you to relax and be yourself... The Warblers really aren't that uptight, I promise. We might not have all of the drama and mayhem that New Directions had, but we can be a lot of fun. Wes doesn't dislike you, either. He's actually a really big goof, but he tries to act like he's professional when he's sitting behind that table. I think he's partially irked because when you showed up, I changed our positions on stage."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

"Well... I'm sure you don't remember, but during Teenage Dream when you saw us the first time, Wes was to my right and David was to my left. I downshifted them so that you were to my left and David was to my right and Wes was behind me. I wanted to give you a chance to shine... Not getting a solo on the first try really isn't anything new here. The other guys had each auditioned loads of times. You'll get there. And as for me being a lousy friend..." He sighed. "I'm really sorry about that, Kurt. With Sectionals and everything, it's been a busy week. It's not that I don't like being around you or I like you any less. It's actually kind of endearing to see how you act with people besides me. You have a lot of guts. And sure, you may embarrass yourself. Everyone does. I don't think you're a loser for being yourself, Kurt.

And it isn't that I think you're a charity case or like I was trying to leave you floundering in your first week, I swear. It just... You've grown a lot, you know. Sometimes you're going to have to stand on your own two feet. You know I'll be here for you any time you ask, Kurt. I just wanted to see how well you'd manage on your own without me holding on once you took of the training wheels, you know? I'm doing my best to encourage you without... babying you, I guess. I _know_ you can find your place here. I just don't want you to feel like I'm doubting you. You honestly _don't _ need me."

"Just because I don't need you to be my gay guardian angel doesn't mean I don't need you to be my friend, Blaine." Kurt's voice was soft. He wouldn't look away from the floor.

"I know. I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think about it that way... and I didn't realize how little contact you'd kept with your old friends. I promise I'll be here for you from now on, okay? I don't want you to feel alone anymore, Kurt, because you're not. You're here... with me." He squeezed Kurt's shoulder. "Hey, we just won Sectionals. There's always a chance you'll get a solo for Regionals, and I'll even help you practice an audition if you want... Just don't tell Wes," he mock-whispered. "He'd probably tease me." Kurt raised an eyebrow. Blaine shrugged slightly. "Since your first visit, David and Wes liked to ask me how the spy was doing... and I mean, you know how friends are. Obviously me spending time with another gay guy is going to make them assume things." Kurt almost blushed. He just nodded.

"Yeah, Mercedes asked me several times if we were dating..." He sighed. He missed Mercedes.

Blaine just smiled. Suddenly, Kurt couldn't remember why he was mad anymore. "You joined at a really difficult time. We were just about to go into our first major competition of the year and things were already tense, but now is when we start over. You're a Warbler now. You've competed with us. You won with us. You're really part of the team, Kurt. I promise that Reigonals will be better." Kurt nodded. Blaine checked his pocket watch. "Come on. We've got rehearsal in ten minutes." He patted Kurt's knee as he stood up and offered him a hand. Kurt took it as Blaine helped him up and let go again.

Dalton wasn't perfect. It wasn't everything Kurt had been expecting and it wasn't like his life had suddenly turned around and all of his problems were gone. It would take some work. He would have to really try.

It wasn't perfect, but, looking at Blaine... Kurt decided it wasn't half bad.


End file.
